book.

I'd like to start documenting this whole thing cause I feel like I'm in a rut. And I want to have something to check back on, just to see if I can actually handle this rut, and how I get out of it, and how long it will actually take. Cause, you know, we all forget about time and when and how. So I'll try.

I'm in a rut cause I'm pushing against the way I need to be to make it on my own. I also feel myself to be too much for people sometimes. But really, I just want to be the way I am. So, how do I accomplish this hurting as little as I can? Maybe I gotta hurt and maybe I gotta get hurt.

We'll see.

bein dumb and havin fun.

by myself in a basement that's not mine.

tonight.

The door in their living room; they wouldn't let me open it. Did they just want to forget? Or did they not want to see my reaction? Who knows? Not me.


Also, was like high school. Were like high school adults. Charming and lovely and pure. Smart. Bright. Like hope in our pockets, maybe even.


One more thing: he's a sinking boat they said.
Wait, what is a fisher of men?
"1:17 And Jesus said unto them, Come ye after me, and I will make you to become fishers of men.
4:19 And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."


I guess. Does that mean anything to you?

tomorrow will hopefully make it 23

VENETIA:
produce worker: trax farms
concession stand: mineral beach
sandwich artist: subway
INDIANA:
circulation desk: stapleton library
cold caller: tns
sandwich artist: subway
books on tape recorder: advising and testing center
notetaker: advising and testing center
dishwasher/server: folger cafeteria
PITTSBURGH:
waitress: durante's
cook: arby's
3rd floor: hillman library
parking lot attendant: l.c. parking
VENETIA:
overnight stocker: giant eagle
photolab technician: giant eagle
DENVER:
waitress/bartender: capones
INDIANA:
cold caller: tns
reference desk: stapleton library
kipp gallery: gallery attendant
PITTSBURGH:
lottery/check out/utility booth: bloomfield drugstore
bloomfield-garfield corporation: afterschool tutor
chick downtown: blogger/packaging

wavelength audio color test

Is what the woman without a body or a face kept saying as I ran up and down her stairs. running up the stairs and hearing that woman's voice.there was free stuff up there. i was supposed to get supplies because we were leaving. goign on a journey, maybe.
then we all lived in this old house and everything was falling apart.there were so many people i couldn't talk to. i feel like i'm falling out of somethingand falling into something.
we were going to go somewhere. a few good friends had my back.
but then when i went to the "haunted house" again, i heard a name beingsaid, i think and then i said "WHAT?" real loud and got too scared to hear anything so i ran down the stairs. the walls were pale pink with blue stairs. the door was blue. baby blue. but she was saying something.
we were to leave then. i remember
going up a hill riding in the back of a truck the weather might have been stormywindy warm.

(out)side

everyone i know who glows.

kelly:

dutch:

erin:

ben:

kim:

heather:

me:



Even when we forget we do. Even when we don't know we are.