this weekend

I will be listening to this record a lot.


I am totally broke. I won't be going anywhere, unless it's on a free adventure.
I'd like to do something this weekend. I'd like to actually go through with an idea and not just think about it. I know that this record will help. It makes me think of so many things. It's no walls, it's no confines, it's open and terrifying and wonderful. Makes me re-think art all together.

Last night I slept in kelly's room. I thought I had meningitis. I didn't tell her because I thought she'd get scared. But I was very scared. I thought I was going to die. I didn't say anything and I didn't try to save myself. I would just die. Hmm.
I was kept up by the ghosts. Children in the foyer playing kazoo and being confused about the wall between them and the old living room. I imagined plush velvet curtains and rich people laughing on fancy couches with wine and fruit. I heard so many noises so close to me.
I wondered if kelly saw ghosts every night and if she just didn't say anything because she didn't think anyone would believe her.

not so suicidal after all

by ben houck

opp

These are two paintings by Scott Daniel Ellison.

My friend Keith Varadi showed me his website. Right now he is living and painting in an artist's residency program in Vermont. Fuckin A, Keith. So awesome.

Here are some of Keith's paintings:

I keep thinking, "oh, maybe we'll go over dutch and mcd's tonight." and then i remember that they're not there. they're on tour. lucky ducks. it's nice to miss friends, though. it's a real nice feeling. i have to figure out how to travel around the country while making money at the same time. i don't have a band, really, that could/would do that. what's another way besides walking across the whole country? i don't know. i just know that's all i wanna do. see the whole country. soon. very soon.

if it could happen...

AMERICAN DISCOVERY TRAIL: SUMMER '09

more:

-green shed
-blue garage
-shared server activities spreadsheet
-the sparkling eyes/feeling hopeful
-the white drive home/breaking points/melting rivers/pull over/woods conversation
-promises about getting it back
-knowing it's no more
-being too tired to feel hopeful.
-smiling at the thought of it.
-hands.