"Oh, it's okay."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"You're lying."
"I am. But what difference does it make?"
"None, I guess."
"Right. Then see ya later I guess."
"No."
"What else?"
"I love you."
"I don't know what that means."
"Neither do I."
"Okay. Well. Why did you say it?"
"Because it's true."
"It doesn't matter."
"Okaygoodbye."

a dream

must write this down before i forget.


he was having a party at his house. i was not invited. she was invited. i think that's why i wasn't invited. everyone was there. there was a keg. everyone was singing and dancing around. he saw me. i wouldn't talk to him. practically refused to. he left.
i finally walked into the room where everyone was. girl was very annoying. she kept staring at me. she was talking really loud. at one point she was looking at me and talking really loud so i just stared her right in the eyes and shouted "shut up."
with a lot of emphasis on the shhhhhhhh part. she didn't get it. i felt bad a little.
then she came over and sat next to me and started asking me questions. i was polite. everyone else left the room except for me and her and him. finally i got up and just left.




i must be crazy. i hear ritz snoring underneath my bed.


i think this is all very good for me. gettin the crazy out. movin on.

It's the season

The man across the road; arms crossed,
with his mind occupying nothing.
The snow starts. Last evening it was there,
but you were not awake to look out the
front window.

You saw him, though, last year. Waiting.
You thought of your own lost ones,
always lost. It was never there.

You walk to the front door, forgetting your hat and mittens.
It's cold. You walk toward the man, and stop
at your side of the street.

"Hello young man."
"Hello."
"It took you a long time."
"Only a year."
"You forgot."
"I did not."


That's right. You never forgot.
You held yourself at night and kept away.
Cause why would you ever want it blown open?
Cross winds occur nightly now, and the snow
tells you so.
You still don't know which way to go.

You see their smiles in your sleep
and try to dream of other things
but the warming keeps you paralyzed
there is nothing you can do,
you already let it go.

Next winter the man will be there, too. Waiting.

venetia, pa

Still awake. Gonna have a cigarette in my room. I gotta get outta here. Quick.

day four without a cigarette. I feel okay. I thought about it a couple times today. But yesterday was pretty bad. I was super moody. MOODY.

I just finished Heather and Allison's birthday present. And I made something for Kel just because. I feel pretty good. About things in general (i think.)

Today my family kept asking me where I'm going to work. I kept telling them "I don't know."

I don't know.