getting closer

hi

I watched the moon burn up last night,
And a tidal wave came when we were all at the show,
I hate to say that I wasn't screaming or scared.
But I wasn't.
I let go of the car I was holding onto and the wind
or something like it took me down the hill and let me off
slowly and gently back on the solid ground.

I am listening to the couple who lives next door fight.
The husband just said, "If you don't shut up you're gonna be dead."
They have two kids.
I don't know. We're all fucked.
I think I used to be a lot worse of a person.
Now I just feel sorry for myself. And that's just as bad.
But I don't have to.

Grace will be simple about it.

5:12 PM Saturday December 19, 2009

I'm sick. I feel very weak. I keep looking out the window at the snow, and the brightness makes me dizzy. I can't eat anything. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I'm too tired to be sad right now.

This is the winter.

There is a Douglas Fir growing
underneath the water tower in Monesson.

I can't be sure, for it is rather far away,
But the top of the tree seems to be touching
the base of the tank.

Maybe there is a foot or two of space in between.

Like your mother in the church, with her black stockings and her brown heels and her white dress. You knew, even then, how to be embarrassed.
I walked down the road with you, for miles we went, and it was so cold
and you told me what you told me. How when you were little...
When you were only...
When things were better than they are now.

There is too much to show you now. I hold many boxes at once. Like Annie Profit, though, nothing in there is mine. I fell off and forgot.

I said,"come inside." Careless. Breathing.

Big pieces have broken off. Ice that had hit you in the face.

People talk to me. With smiles.


It is still nothing like you walking towards me.

True Love. A short Film by Emily Volkar and Kimberly Diamond. Thank you to SNES.

i'm losing

"Oh, it's okay."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"You're lying."
"I am. But what difference does it make?"
"None, I guess."
"Right. Then see ya later I guess."
"No."
"What else?"
"I love you."
"I don't know what that means."
"Neither do I."
"Okay. Well. Why did you say it?"
"Because it's true."
"It doesn't matter."
"Okaygoodbye."

a dream

must write this down before i forget.


he was having a party at his house. i was not invited. she was invited. i think that's why i wasn't invited. everyone was there. there was a keg. everyone was singing and dancing around. he saw me. i wouldn't talk to him. practically refused to. he left.
i finally walked into the room where everyone was. girl was very annoying. she kept staring at me. she was talking really loud. at one point she was looking at me and talking really loud so i just stared her right in the eyes and shouted "shut up."
with a lot of emphasis on the shhhhhhhh part. she didn't get it. i felt bad a little.
then she came over and sat next to me and started asking me questions. i was polite. everyone else left the room except for me and her and him. finally i got up and just left.




i must be crazy. i hear ritz snoring underneath my bed.


i think this is all very good for me. gettin the crazy out. movin on.

It's the season

The man across the road; arms crossed,
with his mind occupying nothing.
The snow starts. Last evening it was there,
but you were not awake to look out the
front window.

You saw him, though, last year. Waiting.
You thought of your own lost ones,
always lost. It was never there.

You walk to the front door, forgetting your hat and mittens.
It's cold. You walk toward the man, and stop
at your side of the street.

"Hello young man."
"Hello."
"It took you a long time."
"Only a year."
"You forgot."
"I did not."


That's right. You never forgot.
You held yourself at night and kept away.
Cause why would you ever want it blown open?
Cross winds occur nightly now, and the snow
tells you so.
You still don't know which way to go.

You see their smiles in your sleep
and try to dream of other things
but the warming keeps you paralyzed
there is nothing you can do,
you already let it go.

Next winter the man will be there, too. Waiting.

venetia, pa

Still awake. Gonna have a cigarette in my room. I gotta get outta here. Quick.