Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
things to remember
-how i feel right now because:
-the man in the office sitting across from me just put on: flamenco sketches by miles davis/john coltrane and its making me feel like i want to be a spiderweb just blowin in the wind on a summer night. i'm ready to zonk out over here. it's beautiful.
-the yellow door behind wireless
-the blue wall behind kfc
-the lamppost lights and parking lot behind community learns
-now he's playing fleetwood mac's "rhiannon"
-the man in the office sitting across from me just put on: flamenco sketches by miles davis/john coltrane and its making me feel like i want to be a spiderweb just blowin in the wind on a summer night. i'm ready to zonk out over here. it's beautiful.
-the yellow door behind wireless
-the blue wall behind kfc
-the lamppost lights and parking lot behind community learns
-now he's playing fleetwood mac's "rhiannon"
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
dreams.
I am listening to Matt and Heather's Radio show (Tuesday nights 8-10) and Heather is playing "Drive on, driver" by the Magnetic Fields and it's making me real nostalgic about my sophomore year of college at IUP. Probably one of the best years of my life. Besides last year. I remember having a lot of big, crazy dreams. I would wake up from them, heart thumpin, feeling totally crazy and like I wanted to change everything about the world and that I had the power to. It was good feelins.
I've been having pretty intense dreams lately. Past three weeks, I'd say. Every night I dream. I need to start writing them down, because they are fucking insane. I've been noticing the way I feel more in dreams. Really intense emotions. Really obvious. Last night was a break from all the scary dreams. Boy was it great.
I was on a bus, going through rolling farm lands. Everything was so bright, it looked like the color of hay in the sun. Washed out. I could barely see, it was so sunny. Everything felt old timey and right. I fit there. I was going to work on a farm. I looked out the window and saw Seth Rogen.
A bunch of girls were running after him, but I knew I just had to keep my cool. I got off at the next bus stop and sat on a front porch with a bunch of old, broken furniture on it.
I lit up a cigarette, and he looked at me. He made this really great face, like he wanted to know me. He walked up to me and said, "Hey."
A bunch of girls were running after him, but I knew I just had to keep my cool. I got off at the next bus stop and sat on a front porch with a bunch of old, broken furniture on it.
I lit up a cigarette, and he looked at me. He made this really great face, like he wanted to know me. He walked up to me and said, "Hey."
That's all I really remember. I remember being really happy in the sun on a farm with Seth Rogen. I need to get out of this town.
The farm kind of looked like this, but no fog mixed with.....
this, but no mountains.
the look seth gave me:
Oh, it was a dream of dreams.
Monday, January 26, 2009
mewsic
http://www.mediafire.com/?kwg2wmojljm
Hope this link works. It's a song called "Better" by the band I'm in, Cones.
One night we were getting drunk and decided to get together the next day and start a band. So we did. We recorded five songs in about 3 hours and couldn't have been happier.
We've had 6 shows, and Laura's moving, so we probably won't have anymore.
It's sad, but I hope I get to start something soon with another group of people, or the same group of people. I just wanna write songs with people I like hanging out with, man.
Hope this link works. It's a song called "Better" by the band I'm in, Cones.
One night we were getting drunk and decided to get together the next day and start a band. So we did. We recorded five songs in about 3 hours and couldn't have been happier.
We've had 6 shows, and Laura's moving, so we probably won't have anymore.
It's sad, but I hope I get to start something soon with another group of people, or the same group of people. I just wanna write songs with people I like hanging out with, man.
a forwarded email i recieved today.
Dear Wooden Dinosaur Friends and Family,
Thanks for coming out to see us play a few weeks ago. Playing to nice, attentive people is fun, we have decided.
I've started a new project open to all for listening and participating. It's called "Song Names First" - the basic idea is that you think up the song name first, and then try to write and record the music that matches the title. Song Names First headquarters is located at www.woodendinosaur.blogspot.com and we already have some great entries from Chris Regan, Jay Dunphy, and others. Reply to this email with questions, concerns, and to submit music.
See you on the internet,Woody
Thanks for coming out to see us play a few weeks ago. Playing to nice, attentive people is fun, we have decided.
I've started a new project open to all for listening and participating. It's called "Song Names First" - the basic idea is that you think up the song name first, and then try to write and record the music that matches the title. Song Names First headquarters is located at www.woodendinosaur.blogspot.com and we already have some great entries from Chris Regan, Jay Dunphy, and others. Reply to this email with questions, concerns, and to submit music.
See you on the internet,Woody
convince yourself
January 5, 2007
Tooter died last night. Reed found her. I was watching the O.C. when he came back to Kim's house to tell me. I asked him to check on her before he went out to Bill's house. He came in, and I knew. I felt like it was my fault she died, for bringing her here. I reasoned that it was not good for her to be here at all. I don't know if this is true or not. I wanted to have a friend, and for her to have a friend and feel great companionship in her last years. I didn't know it was going to be her last days. I had a really scary dream last night about families murdering eachother. I woke up very afraid to be in this house. I do not feel it is mine, yet. It is all dirty and disheveled and still being worked on. I feel that I have a weird relationship with my landlord, Dan. I am having horrible cramps currently and have been all morning. I couldn't sleep last night on account of this and the scary dreams. I miss Tooter. I wish she was still here. This house is so big. I want to feel safe in it. I will do affirmations. I am perfectly healthy and completely safe in this house. This is where I belong. I will eventually feel good being here. I think I will watch some wonder years and take a load off. I am lucky to get such a good deal and to have a devoted landlord who comes over and works on the house every single day.
Tooter died last night. Reed found her. I was watching the O.C. when he came back to Kim's house to tell me. I asked him to check on her before he went out to Bill's house. He came in, and I knew. I felt like it was my fault she died, for bringing her here. I reasoned that it was not good for her to be here at all. I don't know if this is true or not. I wanted to have a friend, and for her to have a friend and feel great companionship in her last years. I didn't know it was going to be her last days. I had a really scary dream last night about families murdering eachother. I woke up very afraid to be in this house. I do not feel it is mine, yet. It is all dirty and disheveled and still being worked on. I feel that I have a weird relationship with my landlord, Dan. I am having horrible cramps currently and have been all morning. I couldn't sleep last night on account of this and the scary dreams. I miss Tooter. I wish she was still here. This house is so big. I want to feel safe in it. I will do affirmations. I am perfectly healthy and completely safe in this house. This is where I belong. I will eventually feel good being here. I think I will watch some wonder years and take a load off. I am lucky to get such a good deal and to have a devoted landlord who comes over and works on the house every single day.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
close calls. maybe.
approx. age 11: sitting on front porch with cousin lauren. white van. kept driving back and forth past her house. out in rural america. sunny, hot, pond swimmin, close proximity to west virginia. evaded by running upstairs and locking all doors and window and waiting with hearts beating hard.
approx. age 22: walking down 5th street with kim. can't remember color of car. perhaps red. was carrying subs n suds pizza. walking to party. passed us, then reversed. went around the block, passed us twice more before i pulled kim into the bushes to hide. ripped my favorite jeans. patched them with pink and brown and white plaid fabric from adelay.
age 23 almost 24: walking home drunk with kelly. man in green small car with high hair and glasses. passed, then reversed and pulled into street across from us. pulled back out and passed again. put car in reverse. "am i being irrational?" and both ran down alley and hit behind black or dark navy car. knee sinking into snow. crept back out, coast clear. then saw him cross friendship and spot us. ran home. i mean ran.
approx. age 22: walking down 5th street with kim. can't remember color of car. perhaps red. was carrying subs n suds pizza. walking to party. passed us, then reversed. went around the block, passed us twice more before i pulled kim into the bushes to hide. ripped my favorite jeans. patched them with pink and brown and white plaid fabric from adelay.
age 23 almost 24: walking home drunk with kelly. man in green small car with high hair and glasses. passed, then reversed and pulled into street across from us. pulled back out and passed again. put car in reverse. "am i being irrational?" and both ran down alley and hit behind black or dark navy car. knee sinking into snow. crept back out, coast clear. then saw him cross friendship and spot us. ran home. i mean ran.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I'm in a library. I miss this sort of thing.
My bruised ankle is becoming itchy. I don't like that, because I want to scratch it, but when I do, it hurts.
Oh hell.
A beautiful pidgeon shit on me today as he was flying from one building to another.
I love everyone I know.
I was patted on the head today. I was made fun of for not being the brightest, but they told me I was quick-witted, so they'd hire me.
Yes, I can handle it.
Read a book by Augusten in a VAULT. A REAL VAULT.
the student took a break from his studies to call someone to tell them that he could not stop thinking about the dream he had last night.
While waiting at the bus stop, I checked a voicemail message from a lover lost singing: baby baby baby, come on, what's wrong? it's a radiation vibe i'm groovin on.
Shine on, shine on. Shine on.
Oh hell.
A beautiful pidgeon shit on me today as he was flying from one building to another.
I love everyone I know.
I was patted on the head today. I was made fun of for not being the brightest, but they told me I was quick-witted, so they'd hire me.
Yes, I can handle it.
Read a book by Augusten in a VAULT. A REAL VAULT.
the student took a break from his studies to call someone to tell them that he could not stop thinking about the dream he had last night.
While waiting at the bus stop, I checked a voicemail message from a lover lost singing: baby baby baby, come on, what's wrong? it's a radiation vibe i'm groovin on.
Shine on, shine on. Shine on.
money. it's a gas.
it turns out your personality does take you quite far sometimes.
i burned bridges because of embarresment.
and yet, my old job still wants me to work for them.
it was said by my old boss:
"yeah, she does a lot of stupid things, but she sure is hard not to like"
i'm dancing around my apartment. no more worries.
ha cha cha!
i burned bridges because of embarresment.
and yet, my old job still wants me to work for them.
it was said by my old boss:
"yeah, she does a lot of stupid things, but she sure is hard not to like"
i'm dancing around my apartment. no more worries.
ha cha cha!
dream last night.
the boy who i lost my virginity to was there. he was following me around, asking me millions of questions. i didn't mind.
also, steve, the guy who wants to be a puppet maker and kissed me once in the middle of the night, and then walked away. he was there, too. and he was charming as ever.
i was walking up a very steep hill by myself when i saw a plane very low in the sky. i thought for a moment: it's going to crash. then i thought: nah, i always think that and it never happens" and then it came straight down into the woods infront of me. it was a beautiful and massive pull i felt. the ground was shaking. i heard people calling my name. but i waited to see what else would happen. it began to snow ash. people told me not to breathe it in, but i was breathing just fine.
also, steve, the guy who wants to be a puppet maker and kissed me once in the middle of the night, and then walked away. he was there, too. and he was charming as ever.
i was walking up a very steep hill by myself when i saw a plane very low in the sky. i thought for a moment: it's going to crash. then i thought: nah, i always think that and it never happens" and then it came straight down into the woods infront of me. it was a beautiful and massive pull i felt. the ground was shaking. i heard people calling my name. but i waited to see what else would happen. it began to snow ash. people told me not to breathe it in, but i was breathing just fine.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
book.
feel better already.
eating skittles.
moulin rouge is easily one of the worst movies ever made.
i do believe all it was was forgetting that really, we're just souls bumping
around together in the dark.
no lightswitch. no wallpaper. barren room kinda stuff.
and really, we're all okay. we're oaky.
eating skittles.
moulin rouge is easily one of the worst movies ever made.
i do believe all it was was forgetting that really, we're just souls bumping
around together in the dark.
no lightswitch. no wallpaper. barren room kinda stuff.
and really, we're all okay. we're oaky.
photolab technician
screen printer
please let this happen for me, universe.
my dad told me to watch this and tap for good and for success. we'll see.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7d_7Dkco0M&feature=related
screen printer
please let this happen for me, universe.
my dad told me to watch this and tap for good and for success. we'll see.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7d_7Dkco0M&feature=related
Monday, January 19, 2009
buhhh
I hurt my ankle last night. I was trying to unmake myself crazy by cleaning the house. Was taking out the trash when I slipped and fell down the last 3 stairs of the "fire escape." It felt a little like I was floating, but I was falling. I swear there was some type of crest. Wait, that's the top of a wave, right? Or is that the peak? Whatever.
Here's some pictures of my ankles when I took walking for granted.
mingo creek:
gram's house:
the one that got hurt:
the one that got hurt:
in the library:
some island:
blustery blowing
some island:
blustery blowing
snowy cliff:
We really do forget about what we have when we have it. We don't realize how good we have it. I'd like to feel that gratitude more. Gratitude is so powerful.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
book.
I'd like to start documenting this whole thing cause I feel like I'm in a rut. And I want to have something to check back on, just to see if I can actually handle this rut, and how I get out of it, and how long it will actually take. Cause, you know, we all forget about time and when and how. So I'll try.
I'm in a rut cause I'm pushing against the way I need to be to make it on my own. I also feel myself to be too much for people sometimes. But really, I just want to be the way I am. So, how do I accomplish this hurting as little as I can? Maybe I gotta hurt and maybe I gotta get hurt.
We'll see.
I'm in a rut cause I'm pushing against the way I need to be to make it on my own. I also feel myself to be too much for people sometimes. But really, I just want to be the way I am. So, how do I accomplish this hurting as little as I can? Maybe I gotta hurt and maybe I gotta get hurt.
We'll see.
Friday, January 16, 2009
tonight.
The door in their living room; they wouldn't let me open it. Did they just want to forget? Or did they not want to see my reaction? Who knows? Not me.
Also, was like high school. Were like high school adults. Charming and lovely and pure. Smart. Bright. Like hope in our pockets, maybe even.
One more thing: he's a sinking boat they said.
Wait, what is a fisher of men?
"1:17 And Jesus said unto them, Come ye after me, and I will make you to become fishers of men.
4:19 And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."
I guess. Does that mean anything to you?
Also, was like high school. Were like high school adults. Charming and lovely and pure. Smart. Bright. Like hope in our pockets, maybe even.
One more thing: he's a sinking boat they said.
Wait, what is a fisher of men?
"1:17 And Jesus said unto them, Come ye after me, and I will make you to become fishers of men.
4:19 And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."
I guess. Does that mean anything to you?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
tomorrow will hopefully make it 23
VENETIA:
produce worker: trax farms
concession stand: mineral beach
sandwich artist: subway
INDIANA:
circulation desk: stapleton library
cold caller: tns
sandwich artist: subway
books on tape recorder: advising and testing center
notetaker: advising and testing center
dishwasher/server: folger cafeteria
PITTSBURGH:
waitress: durante's
cook: arby's
3rd floor: hillman library
parking lot attendant: l.c. parking
VENETIA:
overnight stocker: giant eagle
photolab technician: giant eagle
DENVER:
waitress/bartender: capones
INDIANA:
cold caller: tns
reference desk: stapleton library
kipp gallery: gallery attendant
PITTSBURGH:
lottery/check out/utility booth: bloomfield drugstore
bloomfield-garfield corporation: afterschool tutor
chick downtown: blogger/packaging
produce worker: trax farms
concession stand: mineral beach
sandwich artist: subway
INDIANA:
circulation desk: stapleton library
cold caller: tns
sandwich artist: subway
books on tape recorder: advising and testing center
notetaker: advising and testing center
dishwasher/server: folger cafeteria
PITTSBURGH:
waitress: durante's
cook: arby's
3rd floor: hillman library
parking lot attendant: l.c. parking
VENETIA:
overnight stocker: giant eagle
photolab technician: giant eagle
DENVER:
waitress/bartender: capones
INDIANA:
cold caller: tns
reference desk: stapleton library
kipp gallery: gallery attendant
PITTSBURGH:
lottery/check out/utility booth: bloomfield drugstore
bloomfield-garfield corporation: afterschool tutor
chick downtown: blogger/packaging
wavelength audio color test
Is what the woman without a body or a face kept saying as I ran up and down her stairs. running up the stairs and hearing that woman's voice.there was free stuff up there. i was supposed to get supplies because we were leaving. goign on a journey, maybe.
then we all lived in this old house and everything was falling apart.there were so many people i couldn't talk to. i feel like i'm falling out of somethingand falling into something.
we were going to go somewhere. a few good friends had my back.
but then when i went to the "haunted house" again, i heard a name beingsaid, i think and then i said "WHAT?" real loud and got too scared to hear anything so i ran down the stairs. the walls were pale pink with blue stairs. the door was blue. baby blue. but she was saying something.
we were to leave then. i remember
going up a hill riding in the back of a truck the weather might have been stormywindy warm.
then we all lived in this old house and everything was falling apart.there were so many people i couldn't talk to. i feel like i'm falling out of somethingand falling into something.
we were going to go somewhere. a few good friends had my back.
but then when i went to the "haunted house" again, i heard a name beingsaid, i think and then i said "WHAT?" real loud and got too scared to hear anything so i ran down the stairs. the walls were pale pink with blue stairs. the door was blue. baby blue. but she was saying something.
we were to leave then. i remember
going up a hill riding in the back of a truck the weather might have been stormywindy warm.
everyone i know who glows.
kelly:
dutch:
erin:
ben:
kim:
heather:
me:
Even when we forget we do. Even when we don't know we are.
Even when we forget we do. Even when we don't know we are.
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