ugh. i'm at work right now just trying to do some paperwork and enjoy my chocolate milk and secret text messages and this old guy is sitting really close to me and keeps breathing on me and burping every five seconds. he keeps asking me random questions and i guess that's nice and all but isn't it obvious that i'm working?!?! or at least that i don't want to be talking to him? i don't understand. i normally don't get this annoyed with people but i want to tell this man to GTFO. jesus fucking christ.
after work immediately, i plan on walking to the cemetery by myself and taking a nap on someone's grave. i should have some company after that and i can't wait.

i ate all the raspberries in the container just now. washed it down with a glass of water in my possibly new favorite cup. wasn't sure if i told a kid how to spell "bubbling" right. is that how you spell it?
made a bold move today.
i'm so happy i did.

maxfield parish

So I'm at work right now and I am literally the only person in the office. This rules. I hope it stays this way for a very long time today so I can just dick around.

Last night I started thinking about this book my parents had when I was little. It was one of those huge art books with paintings by Maxfield Parish and it scared the shit out of me. In good and bad ways. Some of his paintings are super dreamy and beautiful, while others are just totally fucked and scary.

I have to ask my mom where this book went. I need to see it again.

dreary days warm days

I think the world is moving too fast for me again. Do you ever not even realize what happens to you in a day? Fuck. I hate it. I have to figure out how to be more present. I think I'm always in my head. I wanna be freeeererer

me in high school

hahahahahha

it's a gooddamn gale out there

and it's sunny as fuck! and i just walked into work smelling like crap, with my hair all a mess, a stain on my shirt, and old smelly jeans. i feel great. haha. my boss looked at me up and down when i came in, and i know what he's thinking. but will he say anything? probably not. my arms smell like the outside. i love that smell more than anything and i can't believe, sometimes, that it lingers on skin the way that it does.
i think i'm dumb. maybe i'm just happy.

I had a dream that my friend, Michael McDermit said, "Take this to the high seas." He was holding up a drink and looking especially focused and inspired by something. He looked happy.

Been thinking about my friends and their happiness and their sadness. Why can't just spending time together be enough? Why can't we revel in eachother and be so grateful that we even have other people in our lives who are somewhat likeminded, and pretty much enjoy the same things? Why isn't that enough? Fuck, I've been in relationships and they're not enough either. So what the fuck is enough?

For some reason I believe that traveling this summer will finally be the thing that is enough.
I think so. So I gotta do it. Even if Kim isn't with me. I gotta figure out how I'm gonna do it.
I just gotta.

In other news, I just confronted a boy who I realized literally just wanted to sleep with me, and who didn't care to get to know me at all. I don't think I've ever had this happen to me before. Maybe I have and was just too dumb to realize it. Maybe the feelings were mutual, so I didn't notice it at all. But this time really pissed me off. Fuck, man. Why do people just think it's so easy and so natural to sleep around? Is it? Am I missing something?

I'm still so terribly young.

good afternoon, i'm stoned.

in spain

i searched for pictures of the 1985 world fair

morning beautiful

old favorite jeans that don't fit no mo

gram's house

i think i might go to the virgin mary shrine this evening. i hope it's still there. i want to show it to you. got well drunk last night. danced a bit at a bar where no one was dancing. came home and tried to watch liar liar and slept through the entire thing, asleep on the top of my covers, and doesn't it seem like such a chore to get under the covers when you're half awake and drunk and on top of them sometimes?

some old friends

tired of comin out on this losin end

i just took an antibiotic. it's making me rather dizzy. trying to fight it off.
i'm going to go outside only once today to deliver a letter.
my throat hurts so bad.
sometimes i really hate bob dylan a lot.
there are two chicken nuggets on a plate in the shape of two small dinosaurs.
they're cold.
i think i'll make some tea. pictures coming soon of my new living space.